Brief issue: I'm trying to adopt as a single adopter but I'm in a long-distance relationship at the moment, and agency has said I have to break up with my partner to continue....
History: I've always planned on adopting, and even when I was under 10 I used to imagine myself with my baby/ies and there was never really a man around. So I thought, coupled with the kind of person I am anyway, I'd end up being a single mum and I would have been, and am, very very happy to do so!
In the last year or so my heart has been telling me to adopt. I'm ready to be a mummy and to give a baby a wonderful loving home. I am, however, in a relationship - all be it long distance - for the last 10 months. He's great, loving, kind, caring. We both work with kids (i'm a maternity nurse/nanny and he works as a 'manny' for autistic kids). So he's always known I've wanted and planned to adopt - fine!
Anyway, I have done a heap of research on every aspect of adoption and am ready and willing for whatever comes my way....only - it seems I can't go any further without breaking up with my boyfriend, apparently?! Now, I'm adopting as a single woman, because I know that just me alone can 100% provide all the love and attention my baby needs of course with the help of my support network. Obviously I'm not single! I know that. But I'm not in a relationship whereby we live together or can see each other more than once or twice a month due to work.
I'm in a stable position to give a baby a loving home alone, with me, financially secure, etc. I live at work at the moment but have a house at home ready to live in. Now I was hoping that of course my partner, if we maintain our relationship as the adoption progresses, would be interviewed, CRB checked, and so forth, just like my mother and other family members will be? I maintain that the adoption will be as a single adopter, and we will live apart and my son or daughter will be my priority. But, according to my agency I really need to break up with him if I want to give a baby a home. I'm so upset about this whole thing! Or, we wait to adopt as a couple somewhere down the line which means a wait of 4-5 years to be a parent........but apparently we have to live together already to do that - which we don't. We both have extremely well-paid live-in jobs - which we're doing right now, and sacrificing seeing friends, loved ones, and family, so we can provide a better life for ourselves in the future - be that future together or not. So we then have to quit our jobs, live together and get a mortgage and then get jobs which won't pay as well, just so we can adopt - which we'd then be hard-pushed to afford anyway??!?!
Basically, my heart is breaking because I know I am ready for this, and I feel like I'm being denied the opportunity to start a family, and a potential baby is not going to be given the opportunity to have a loving mummy and a wonderful home. Believe me, I work with children and I can TOTALLY see the need for stabilty and a secure environment where everyone knows where they stand...... I get that. But I am adopting alone, and my baby will live with me, alone, and surely if I am in a relationship still at that time then that's surely another member of a my great support network???! And if the relationship develops it would be no different to a single adopter adopting and meeting someone the following month?!?! So this is actually more thorough in the sense that the agency get the chance to meet my partner and deem him fit to be around children - that wouldn't happen if a woman met a partner after she'd brought her baby home.
I can't get my head around all of this, and I'm not sure what to think or do? I really welcome all advice, whatever the opinion/view, I can handle it (as long as it's well-intentioned and kind as I see no need to be anything but).
Thanks for reading,
X
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